The Building Resilient Kids Podcast

“Make Yourself Irrelevant: Ian Prior on Coaching Teens to Think, Perform and Lead for Themselves”
At some point, junior sport changes.
The scoreboard starts to matter. Selection becomes more competitive. Training becomes more structured. Some kids simply want to keep playing with their mates, while others begin wondering whether sport could take them somewhere much further.
So how should our coaching change with them?
In Part Two of this Building Resilient Kids conversation, host Tim Curtis sits down again with former professional rugby player Ian Prior to explore the transition from participation-focused junior sport into the more competitive teenage years.
And Ian introduces a powerful idea:
The ultimate job of a good coach is to make themselves irrelevant.
Not because the coach doesn't matter.
Quite the opposite.
A great coach progressively gives young athletes the knowledge, confidence and decision-making ability to solve problems for themselves—because when the game starts, the coach can't make every decision for them.
That shift—from instruction to independence—sits at the heart of this episode.
Ian explains that as children mature, coaching should move beyond simply teaching how to perform a skill. Coaches increasingly need to teach why.
Why did that option work?
What cues did you notice?
What other options were available?
What will you do differently next time?
Those questions don't just create better athletes. They build mental models for decision-making, adaptability and problem-solving that young people can carry into school, work, relationships and life.
But teenage athletes present another challenge: their bodies are changing rapidly.
Ian discusses peak height velocity—the period of rapid adolescent growth—and why coaches need to understand that the teenager standing in front of them may temporarily be less coordinated, more susceptible to injury and physically very different from the athlete they were only months earlier.
That means managing training load, recovery and skill development intelligently rather than simply assuming that harder training is always better.
Ian then offers a practical framework for skill development:
Isolated → Controlled → Chaotic.
First, practise the skill.
Then introduce decision-making.
Finally, recreate the unpredictability of competition.
It's a simple coaching progression that allows young athletes to build competence before learning to execute under pressure.
From there, the conversation moves into one of the most important areas of teenage sport:
Pressure.
How do we teach young people to handle it?
How do we build confidence without creating entitlement?
How do we help them win well—and perhaps more importantly, lose well?
Ian argues that confidence should be grounded in preparation and repetition rather than simply telling a teenager to “be confident”.
Do the work.
Build the repetitions.
Prepare properly.
Then take confidence from knowing you've done what you can—while recognising that the opposition, environment and circumstances still get a vote.
Ian also shares the grounding techniques he developed during his professional career.
At one point during a game, that could be as simple as picking up a piece of grass and feeling it between his fingers—a tactile cue that brought him back into the present moment.
Other athletes use breathing, visual focus or physical grounding.
These aren't just tools for professional athletes.
They're practical emotional-regulation skills teenagers can use before a game, during competition—or walking into an exam.
One of the episode's most practical examples comes from Ian's time captaining the Western Force.
After a score—whether his team had scored or conceded—the players would deliberately reset.
They would come together.
Pause.
Breathe.
Connect.
Receive only a small number of key messages.
Then finish with a synchronised clap.
That clap became a psychological bookend:
What's happened has happened. What's my next job?
It's a professional sporting technique with an obvious application for teenage athletes—and an equally powerful lesson for life.
Review what happened.
Take the lesson.
Then move.
The same principle applies after losing.
Ian argues that coaches should involve athletes in the review:
What did you see?
What did we do well?
Where did we fall short?
What do we need to work on?
That creates ownership rather than dependence. Once the lesson has been extracted, however, the result needs to be parked and attention returned to the process.
The conversation also explores performance anxiety and visualisation.
Ian describes how young athletes can mentally rehearse both success and adversity—not pretending everything will go perfectly, but becoming familiar with what they might encounter and developing a response before the pressure arrives.
What if I miss?
What if I make a mistake?
What if I feel anxious?
And what will I do next?
The feared situation becomes less unfamiliar—and the teenager begins building a toolkit for responding to it.
Underneath all of this sits something even more important:
A child's performance is not their identity.
Win or lose, make the kick or miss it, get selected or dropped—the teenager needs to know that their relationships with the important adults around them don't depend upon the result.
As Ian puts it, the outcome shouldn't dictate how we feel about each other.
That unconditional support gives young athletes a psychologically safe place from which they can take risks, fail, learn and try again.
That also places responsibility on parents.
Ian's advice from the sideline is straightforward:
Support. Don't interfere.
Respect the coach.
Help where you can.
Don't try to influence selections or tactics.
And don't ride every emotional high and low as though your child's sporting performance is your own.
When they come home, they need a parent—not another coach.
For coaches, Ian recommends setting expectations early.
Explain your coaching philosophy.
Explain how selection works.
Explain what you value.
Explain what you expect from athletes and parents—and what they should expect from you.
Honest expectations at the beginning of a season can prevent enormous confusion later.
And then, progressively, hand the game over to the athletes.
Ian recalls learning under Australian rugby great Stephen Larkham, who didn't simply tell players what to do. He helped them understand what he was seeing so they could eventually recognise those same situations themselves.
Ian also reflects on the All Blacks philosophy of increasingly reducing coach input as game day approached—allowing experienced players to take ownership of training, tactics and ultimately the game itself.Because that's the destination.
Not an athlete constantly looking to the sideline for instructions.
But a young person capable of thinking:
I understand the problem.
I have some tools.
I can make a decision.
And if it doesn't work, I can adjust and try again.
That's not just good coaching.
That's resilience.
Key Themes and Takeaways
How coaching should change as children move into their teenage years.
Why coaching experience should increasingly be supported by knowledge and accreditation.
The difference between being a great athlete and being able to teach athletes.
Why late developers shouldn't be written off.
How playing multiple sports can build a broader athletic skill base.
The danger of turning children's sport into performance too early.
Why intrinsic motivation matters as competition becomes more serious.
Why coaches should teach the why, not simply the how.
How good coaching develops decision-making and problem-solving.
Why a great coach ultimately tries to make themselves irrelevant.
How adolescent growth and peak height velocity affect coordination, injury risk and training.
Why more training isn't automatically better training.
The Isolated → Controlled → Chaotic model for developing skills.
Why training should include opportunities to fail safely.
How asking athletes questions can be more powerful than constantly giving instructions.
Why confidence should come from preparation and repetition.
Learning to win well—and lose well.
Grounding techniques for teenage athletes.
Breathing and emotional regulation under pressure.
How coaches can deliberately create pressure and adversity during training.
Using visualisation to prepare for both success and failure.
Why the result should never determine the quality of the relationship.
How parents can support teenage athletes without becoming another coach.
Why coaches should establish expectations with parents at the beginning of the season.
The value of honest conversations around selection and performance.
How to progressively create self-coaching athletes.
Why mentors become increasingly important during adolescence.
How the wider “village” can support a teenager who wants to pursue an elite pathway.
More About Ian
Ian Prior is a former professional rugby union player, coach and father who spent 14 years playing professional rugby.
His career exposed him to high-performance environments, elite coaches, leadership, selection, pressure, injury, victory and defeat—including captaining the Western Force.
But Ian's perspective in this conversation is equally shaped by being a parent and developing coach.
He understands what high performance looks like.
He also understands that teenage sport needs to accommodate very different motivations.
One teenager may simply want to spend time with their mates.
Another may genuinely want to become a professional athlete.
Good coaching creates an environment where both can develop—combining learning, enjoyment, connection and competitiveness without assuming that every child needs the same destination.
Resources and Concepts Mentioned
Long-Term Athlete Development
Part Two continues the Long-Term Athlete Development discussion from Part One, moving into the teenage years when training, competition and athlete ownership begin to increase.
Australian Sports Commission – Win Well
Ian discusses Australia's Win Well philosophy and the importance of developing sporting performance in an environment that also considers culture, wellbeing and the development of the person.
Isolated → Controlled → Chaotic
A practical progression for coaches:
Isolated: Practise the skill with limited variables.
Controlled: Introduce choices and decision-making.
Chaotic: Recreate the uncertainty and pressure of the actual game.
The objective isn't merely to perform a skill in practice. It's to recognise when and why to use it when the environment becomes unpredictable.
RAMP Warm-Up
Ian discusses the RAMP approach to preparing young athletes:
Raise – Activate – Mobilise/Move – Potentiate
The aim is to progressively prepare the cardiovascular, neuromuscular and movement systems before asking teenagers to perform at intensity.
Grounding and Breathing
Ian describes using meditation and tactile grounding during his professional career.
Tim also references previous Building Resilient Kids guest Rachel Vickery and the simple cue:
“If in doubt, breathe out.”
The broader principle is to give teenagers practical tools they can use to regulate themselves when pressure rises.
Visualisation
Visualisation can help athletes rehearse performance, anticipate adversity and mentally practise their response before the moment arrives.
The goal isn't to imagine that nothing will go wrong.
It's to build familiarity with the possibility that something might—and know what you're going to do next.
SBI – Situation, Behaviour, Impact
Tim introduces SBI as a simple framework for difficult conversations between coaches, athletes and parents:
Situation: What happened?
Behaviour: What did the athlete do or not do?
Impact: What effect did that have?
It provides a more objective structure for conversations around performance, behaviour and selection.
Mentors
Ian closes the episode by reflecting on the value a mentor could have provided earlier in his professional career.
Teenagers don't always want advice from Mum and Dad.
A trusted coach, former athlete, teacher or other adult can become an important member of the child's village—someone who provides perspective without carrying the emotional weight of the parent-child relationship.
Building Resilient Kids
https://resilienceshield.com/kids
The Resilience Shield
https://resilienceshield.com
Quote of the Episode
“What are we actually trying to do? Trying to make ourselves irrelevant.”
— Ian Prior
Another Memorable Quote
“Preparation plus repetition generally leads to you feeling more confident in the game.”
— Ian Prior
And One for Every Sporting Parent
“Our role is there to support.”
— Ian Prior
Reflection Challenge
This week, whether you're a coach, teacher or parent, notice how often you give a teenager the answer.
Then, once or twice, resist the urge.
Instead ask:
“What are you seeing?”
“What do you think your options are?”
“What would you do differently?”
“What's your next job?”
Give them enough guidance to stay safe and moving forward—but enough space to solve the problem themselves.
Because eventually the teenager has to step onto the field, into the exam room, into university, into work and ultimately into adult life without us standing on the sideline telling them what to do.
The goal isn't to create a young person who always has the right answer.
It's to create one who knows how to work out what to do when they don't.

“Coach the Kid, Not Just the Sport: Ian Prior on Belonging, Effort and Keeping Kids in the Game”
Episode Show Notes
What makes a great junior coach?
Is it technical knowledge? Winning games? Developing the most talented players?
Or is there something much more important happening every time a child turns up to training?
In Part One of this two-part Building Resilient Kids conversation, host Tim Curtis sits down with former professional rugby player Ian Prior to explore what good coaching looks like during the crucial childhood and early adolescent years—and why the lessons learned through sport can extend far beyond the field.
Ian spent 14 years playing professional rugby, having progressed through elite junior pathways himself. But he is also now a dad and coach, giving him a very different perspective on the sporting environments we create for children.
Looking back on his own childhood, Ian remembers parents who were enormously supportive but never forceful. They drove him to training, helped him practise and created opportunities—but the motivation to improve remained his.
That distinction becomes one of the central themes of the episode:
Support the child. Don't own the child's sporting journey.
Ian and Tim explore the role coaches, parents, teachers and instructors play in creating belonging and psychological safety. For Ian, sport provided somewhere he felt at home as a child. It gave him a way to connect with others, communicate and form relationships—regardless of background, ability or social confidence.
That makes the role of the junior coach far bigger than teaching someone how to kick, throw or catch.
A good coach notices the child who hasn't touched the ball. They learn names. They ask questions. They create opportunities for different ability levels. They recognise effort and teamwork—not simply the kid who scores the most points.
Most importantly, they make kids feel seen, heard and valued.
Ian identifies three behaviours he believes coaches should deliberately develop and reward: being a good teammate, communicating well and demonstrating work ethic. His philosophy is simple: children can't completely control outcomes, but they can control their effort.
The conversation also tackles something central to resilience: losing.
Ian wasn't always selected as a junior. He missed representative teams and experienced the disappointment of being close but not quite good enough. Looking back, he believes those early failures may have helped prepare him for the inevitable setbacks of professional sport.
Crucially, home remained psychologically safe.
There wasn't more love when he won or less love when he lost. His parents were supporters rather than judges—and that gave him somewhere safe to return after disappointment.Tim and Ian then broaden the discussion beyond competitive athletes.
What about the kid who doesn't think they're sporty?
The child who is there because their friends are?
The late bloomer?
The kid on the wing who rarely sees the ball?
Ian argues that coaches need to understand why each child is there. Some want to compete. Some want to master a skill. Some simply want to belong to the tribe.
All of those motivations are legitimate.
The goal—particularly when children are young—is to help them discover forms of movement and sport they genuinely enjoy. Because forcing children into a parent's preferred sport may produce participation for a while, but it rarely produces a lifelong love of being active.
And the benefits extend well beyond physical fitness.
Sport can teach teamwork, communication, empathy, delayed gratification, work ethic and how to recover after failure. It can provide a social bridge for children who struggle to communicate in other environments. And movement itself supports learning, cognition and wellbeing.
Tim and Ian also explore free play and risky play—running, jumping, climbing, falling, getting back up and discovering what your body is capable of. These experiences don't just develop physical competence. They give children opportunities to assess risk, make decisions, build confidence and develop resilience.
Finally, Ian offers a wonderfully human lesson for coaches themselves.
He recounts giving overly harsh feedback to a young player and immediately seeing the player's body language change. Rather than defending himself, Ian later pulled the player aside, apologised, explained what he had been trying to achieve and acknowledged that he could have coached the moment better.
It's an important reminder that good coaching doesn't require perfection.
It requires relationships, self-awareness and the humility to repair things when we get them wrong.
Part One finishes by introducing the Long-Term Athlete Development model (LTAD)—moving children from participation and fundamental movement skills towards learning to train, while recognising that children develop at different rates and have different sporting ambitions.
And that sets up Part Two.
As kids move into their teenage years, competition becomes more serious, pathways begin to separate and some athletes start asking:
How good could I actually become?
Key Themes and Takeaways
Why the first job of a junior coach is to create belonging and psychological safety.
The difference between being a supportive parent and driving your child's sporting ambitions.
Why intrinsic motivation matters more than constantly pushing children to train.
Why coaches should make every child feel seen, heard and valued.
How sport creates social connection across different backgrounds and ability levels.
Why good coaches deliberately reward teamwork, communication and work ethic.
Why coaches should praise the behaviours that produced the result—not only the goal, trophy or scoreboard.
The value of allowing children to experience losing, disappointment and non-selection.
Why unconditional parental support provides psychological safety after sporting failure.
Why some of the most valuable sporting experiences happen precisely because a child doesn't win.
The importance of letting kids try different sports before specialising.
Why parents shouldn't attempt to live their own sporting ambitions through their children.
How to engage the child who doesn't consider themselves “sporty”.
Why understanding what motivates each individual child matters.
How sport develops communication, empathy, teamwork, delayed gratification and work ethic.
The relationship between movement, learning, cognition and wellbeing.
Why free play and risky play remain important alongside organised sport.
How the language adults use can either encourage challenge or unintentionally create fear.
Why acknowledging effort after failure helps children learn that coming up short isn't the same as being a failure.
Why coaches need to tailor feedback to the child's age, stage and personality.
The power of coaches admitting when they get something wrong.
Why children are not “mini adults” and shouldn't simply be given adult training environments.
How the Long-Term Athlete Development model can help coaches think about participation, fundamental movement skills, learning to train and eventually more serious competition.
Why the ultimate objective isn't necessarily producing an elite athlete—it's helping create a human who wants to remain active for life.
More About Ian
Ian Prior is a former professional rugby union player, coach and father who spent 14 years playing professional rugbyafter progressing through Australia's elite junior rugby pathway.
Growing up in Australia to Zimbabwean parents, Ian describes sport as one of the places where he most strongly felt that he belonged. Rugby eventually became his profession, but his sporting upbringing extended across cricket, athletics, swimming, cross-country and soccer.
Today, Ian brings together the perspective of the former professional athlete, developing coach and sporting parent.
That combination makes this conversation particularly valuable. Ian understands elite performance and what it takes to pursue sporting excellence—but he also understands that the vast majority of children who turn up on Saturday morning aren't trying to become professional athletes.
Some want to compete.
Some want to improve.
Some want to be with their mates.
And some simply need an adult who makes them feel like they belong.
Resources Mentioned
Long-Term Athlete Development – LTAD
The Long-Term Athlete Development framework provides a useful way of thinking about how children progress from basic movement and participation through skill development, structured training and—in some cases—higher levels of competition.
As Ian explains, the early stages should concentrate on movement, participation, connection and fundamental skillsbefore progressively introducing more demanding training and competition.
Building Resilient Kids – Tim Curtis
Several concepts from Building Resilient Kids feature throughout this conversation, including:
effort over outcome
growth mindset
movement and physical activity
social connection
free and risky play
psychological safety
persistence following failure
Building Resilient Kids:https://resilienceshield.com/kids
The Resilience Shield
https://resilienceshield.com
Bill Ribbans – The Four S's
Tim discusses surgeon and sports scientist Bill Ribbans' Four S's as a useful framework for developing physically capable humans:
Strength – Speed – Stamina – Suppleness
Rather than focusing purely on sport-specific skills, children benefit from developing broad physical capability—running, jumping, balancing, moving, accelerating, decelerating and controlling their own bodies.
Free Play and Risky Play
Tim references the importance of allowing children opportunities for unstructured and appropriately risky play—climbing, exploring, creating games and learning what their bodies are capable of—rather than making all movement adult-directed and organised.
Quote of the Episode
“You can't control the outcome. You can influence the outcome, but you can control the effort.”
— Ian Prior
Another Memorable Quote
“There wasn't more love when I won. There wasn't less love when I lost.”
— Ian Prior
One More Worth Remembering
“They feel seen, they feel heard, they feel validated, and valued as a person.”
— Ian Prior
Reflection Challenge
This week, if you're coaching, teaching, managing—or simply standing on the sideline watching your child—pay attention to what you praise.
Is it:
“Great goal!”
“You won!”
“You were the best player!”
Or are you also noticing:
“I loved how you kept going.”
“I saw you include your teammate.”
“You worked really hard on that.”
“That didn't go your way, but you stayed in the game.”
Then ask yourself one question:
Am I rewarding the result—or the behaviours that will help this child long after the scoreboard has been forgotten?
Because the goal of junior sport isn't simply to build better athletes.
It's to build kids who belong, persist, contribute, move confidently—and hopefully still love being active long after their junior sporting days are over.
Coming in Part Two
In Part Two, Tim and Ian move further up the athlete-development pathway and into the teenage years.
What changes when kids begin taking sport seriously?
How should coaches balance competition, selection, performance and development?
And for the young athlete who genuinely wants to pursue an elite pathway, how do we challenge them without destroying the love of the game that got them there in the first place?

"Sleep Is a Ninja: Michelle Cyril on Helping Busy Brains Feel Safe Enough to Sleep"
Episode Show Notes
In this practical and reassuring episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by Michelle Cyril—The Family Sleep Specialist, an advanced paediatric sleep specialist, children's nurse and mum of two neurodivergent children.
Michelle knows the exhaustion of childhood sleep difficulties from both sides of the equation. One of her twins slept; the other didn't. After three and a half years of chronic sleep deprivation, her personal search for answers eventually developed into a professional specialisation in helping children and families for whom conventional sleep advice simply doesn't work.
The conversation explores why sleep is such a fundamental building block for resilience and why improving a child's sleep can have effects far beyond bedtime—from emotional regulation and concentration to eating, movement, relationships and the wellbeing of the entire family. Michelle describes sleep as a "golden chain" running through our lives: when sleep improves, other areas have an opportunity to flourish.
For neurodivergent children in particular, Michelle challenges the traditional one-size-fits-all approach to sleep. Rather than simply enforcing stricter routines, she encourages parents to understand the individual child's nervous system, sensory needs, anxiety and need to feel genuinely safe.
One of her central ideas is beautifully simple: sleep can't be forced. Telling an anxious child to "just go to sleep" is asking them to consciously perform something that happens naturally. Instead, Michelle tells children that "sleep is like a ninja"—it creeps up on you when your brain and body are ready.
Tim and Michelle explore practical techniques for helping children develop that sense of safety and independence, including Michelle's "excuse me" game, where parents gradually build trust by briefly leaving the room and reliably returning. The aim isn't simply separation—it's teaching the child's nervous system that Mum or Dad can leave, come back as promised, and I am still safe.
They also unpack why a rhythm may work better than a rigid routine for children with demand-avoidant profiles, how sensory input before bedtime can actually help a busy body settle, why screens aren't necessarily the enemy, and why teenagers need daylight, movement and clearer separation between their bedroom as a living space and their bed as a place for sleep.
Importantly, the episode isn't only about the child's nervous system. Michelle explains how exhausted parents can arrive at bedtime already dysregulated after months or even years of difficult evenings. Her concept of brief "off-duty time"before bedtime gives parents permission to regulate themselves first, so that children can borrow their calm through co-regulation.
The result is a refreshingly compassionate conversation about sleep that moves away from blame, battles and endless lists of things parents "should" be doing.
Because sometimes the answer isn't trying harder to make a child sleep.
It's understanding what this particular child needs to feel safe enough for sleep to come.
Key Themes and Takeaways
Why sleep is one of the foundations of physical health, emotional regulation, learning and resilience.
Why conventional sleep advice doesn't always work for autistic, ADHD and PDA children.
Understanding the "busy brain" and why switching off at bedtime can be so difficult.
Why a child's sense of safety can be more important than enforcing a perfect bedtime routine.
Michelle's "sleep is a ninja" analogy—and why children can't simply make themselves fall asleep.
How the "excuse me" game can gradually build trust and independent sleep.
Why neurodivergent children may benefit from a bedtime rhythm rather than a rigid routine.
Understanding PDA and how apparently simple bedtime instructions can become demands that activate a child's threat response.
Why sensory input—movement, pressure, fidgeting and proprioceptive activities—can sometimes help a busy body prepare for sleep.
The importance of following the individual child's sensory preferences rather than assuming one strategy will work for everyone.
Why parents' emotional regulation matters—and how children can borrow our calm through co-regulation.
Michelle's practical idea of giving the parent doing bedtime some "off-duty time" beforehand.
Screens and sleep: why the issue may be more nuanced than simply banning devices before bedtime.
The importance of morning daylight and helping teenagers maintain a healthy body clock.
Why bedrooms that become spaces for gaming, homework, eating and socialising can make it harder for the brain to associate bed with sleep.
The role—and limitations—of melatonin, and why Michelle believes it shouldn't automatically be the first answer to neurodivergent sleep difficulties.
Why improving one child's sleep can transform the wellbeing, relationships and functioning of an entire family.
More About Michelle
Michelle Cyril is an Advanced Paediatric Sleep Specialist, children's nurse and founder of The Family Sleep Specialist, specialising in sleep support for neurodivergent children and young people.
She brings together almost 30 years of experience as a children's nurse, degree-level Advanced Paediatric Sleep training, training in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), experience within NHS-commissioned children's services and, importantly, her own lived experience as the mother of two neurodivergent children.
Michelle specialises in supporting children and teenagers with autism, ADHD and demand-avoidant/PDA profiles, although children do not need a confirmed diagnosis to access her support. Her approach combines evidence-based sleep practice with neuro-affirming principles, focusing on the child's unique sensory needs, emotional regulation, anxiety and sense of safety rather than trying to force them into a standardised sleep routine.
Her work also recognises that childhood sleep difficulties rarely affect the child alone. Poor sleep can ripple across parents, siblings, relationships, work and everyday family life—something Michelle and Tim explore extensively in this conversation.
Michelle supports families internationally through online consultations and provides free resources for parents wanting to begin understanding their child's sleep differently.
Resources
The Family Sleep Specialist — Michelle Cyrilhttps://familysleepspecialist.co.uk
Free Busy Brains Guide — Helping Autistic and ADHD Children Switch Off at Bedtimehttps://welcome.familysleepspecialist.co.uk/busy-brains-guide
Free Neurodivergent Sleep Help Facebook CommunityAvailable through Michelle's website. Michelle specifically directs listeners to both the Busy Brains guide and her free community at the end of the episode.
The Resilience Shieldhttps://resilienceshield.com
Building Resilient Kidshttps://resilienceshield.com/kids
Michael Gradisar — Sleep ResearchMichelle references Australian sleep researcher Michael Gradisar's work when discussing adolescents, screens and sleep.
Quote of the Episode
"Sleep is like a ninja. It's going to just creep up on you."
Another Memorable Quote
"My child's emotional regulation is far more important than getting the job done."
One More Worth Remembering
"Your child is wired differently, and they need a different way of approaching bedtime."
Reflection Challenge
This week, take a look at bedtime through your child's eyes rather than your own.
Instead of asking:
"Why won't they just go to sleep?"
Try asking:
"What does my child need to feel safe, regulated and ready for sleep?"
Then identify one "should" you can remove from your family's bedtime routine.
Maybe brushing teeth happens earlier. Maybe the bath moves away from bedtime. Maybe your busy-body child needs movement rather than quiet time. Or perhaps the parent doing bedtime needs ten minutes of their own off-duty time first.
The goal isn't the perfect bedtime routine.
It's finding the rhythm that works for your child and your family

"Our Kids Should Fight to Be Happy: Why Resilience May Be the Foundation of a Flourishing Life"
In this thought-provoking episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by former Australian SAS officer, leadership expert, bestselling author and long-time friend Ben Pronk to explore one of life's biggest questions:
What does it really mean for our kids to be happy?
While many parents say they simply want their children to be happy, Ben challenges us to reconsider what happiness actually is and whether modern life has quietly led us astray.
Drawing on philosophy, neuroscience, psychology and positive psychology, Ben argues that lasting happiness isn't found through comfort, achievement or material success. Instead, it emerges from a balance of pleasure and purpose, meaningful relationships, gratitude and the willingness to embrace struggle.
Together, Tim and Ben unpack why resilience may not simply support happiness—it may be one of its essential foundations. They explore why today's children are growing up in a world of unprecedented comfort, comparison and digital distraction, yet increasing rates of anxiety, loneliness and poor wellbeing.
The conversation also examines why failure is an essential teacher, why parents should resist removing every obstacle from a child's path, and how modelling gratitude, curiosity and presence shapes children's understanding of what a good life looks like.
Blending ancient philosophy with practical parenting, this episode offers a refreshing reminder that our goal is not to raise children who avoid hardship—but children who develop the confidence, character and resilience to flourish because of it.
Key Themes and Takeaways
Why happiness is more than simply feeling good.
The difference between pleasure and purpose—and why children need both.
Why resilience may be the foundation of lasting happiness.
The psychology behind why humans are surprisingly poor judges of what will make them happy.
How comparison quietly steals joy, particularly in the age of social media.
Why gratitude is one of the simplest habits for improving wellbeing.
The importance of allowing children to experience challenge, setbacks and failure.
Why meaningful relationships remain the strongest predictor of long-term wellbeing.
How parents unintentionally model happiness every day through their own behaviours.
What Aristotle, Stoicism, Epicureanism and modern neuroscience all agree about living a flourishing life.
Why comfort should never become the ultimate parenting goal.
How recognising life's finite nature can help us become more present with the people who matter most.
More About Ben
Ben Pronk is a former Australian Army officer who served for more than a decade in the Special Air Service Regiment (SAS), including operational deployments to East Timor, Iraq and Afghanistan.
Following his military career, Ben co-founded Mettle Global, where he works with organisations around the world to develop resilient leaders, high-performing teams and adaptive cultures.
Ben is the co-author (with Dr Dan Pronk and Tim Curtis) of The Resilience Shield, an evidence-based framework for building resilience across the mind, body, social and professional domains.
His latest book, We Are All Going to Die, published by Pan Macmillan, explores one of humanity's oldest questions: how can we build a happier, richer and more meaningful life? Combining philosophy, neuroscience, psychology and humour, Ben offers practical insights into flourishing in an increasingly complex world.
Through writing, keynote presentations and leadership development, Ben continues to help individuals and organisations rethink resilience, purpose and what it truly means to live well.
Resources
Ben Pronk — https://www.benpronk.com
We Are All Going to Die — Ben Pronk (Pan Macmillan)
The Resilience Shield — https://resilienceshield.com
Building Resilient Kids — https://resilienceshield.com/kids
The Harvard Study of Adult Development — Harvard University
Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics (Eudaimonia)
Meditations — Marcus Aurelius
The Myth of Sisyphus — Albert Camus
Quote of the Episode
"Fight to be happy."
Another Memorable Quote
"Happiness is a balance of pleasure and purpose."
One More Worth Remembering
"I want struggle for my kids."

"Character Before Culture: Daniel Principe on Raising Good Humans in a Noisy World"
 
In this thought-provoking episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by Daniel Principe—one of Australia's leading youth advocates, educator, author and speaker, whose work has reached hundreds of thousands of young people, parents and educators across the country.
Daniel explores what it means to raise resilient children in an age dominated by social media, comparison, digital distraction and competing cultural influences. Rather than blaming young people, Daniel challenges adults to become more curious, more intentional and more connected.
The conversation explores why character matters more than status, why resilience is "caught" as much as it is taught, and why meaningful relationships remain the greatest protective factor for children navigating an increasingly complex world.
Daniel also shares insights from his work around respectful relationships and consent education, arguing that consent is only one part of a much bigger conversation about empathy, emotional regulation, communication and becoming a person of good character.
Throughout the discussion, Daniel offers practical wisdom for parents, teachers and mentors who want to help young people develop courage, resilience and confidence without losing kindness, humility or curiosity.
This episode is a powerful reminder that while the world facing today's children is changing rapidly, the fundamentals of raising good humans remain remarkably timeless.
Key Themes and Takeaways
Why curiosity is one of the most important qualities parents and leaders can develop.
How resilience is often "caught" through role models before it is ever taught.
The impact of digital culture, social media and constant comparison on young people's wellbeing.
Why today's children need character formation as much as academic achievement.
Helping young people move from knowing what's right to actually living it.
Why boredom, struggle and discomfort remain essential ingredients for resilience.
The importance of celebrating character rather than simply achievement.
How healthy relationships underpin resilience, confidence and mental wellbeing.
Why consent begins long before discussions about sex—it starts with respect, empathy and healthy communication.
The role adults play in shaping culture, values and expectations for the next generation.
Why boys—and girls—need adults who consistently model courage, kindness, humility and integrity.
The importance of creating intentional family conversations and meaningful rites of passage.
More About Daniel
Daniel Principe is an Australian youth advocate, educator, author and international speaker who has spent more than a decade working with schools, sporting organisations, parents and communities to help young people thrive.
His work focuses on character formation, respectful relationships, masculinity, digital culture, consent education and emotional wellbeing. Daniel is widely recognised for his practical, evidence-informed approach to engaging young people through curiosity rather than judgment, encouraging them to become thoughtful, resilient and compassionate adults.
Through keynote presentations, workshops, writing and media appearances, Daniel continues to challenge cultural narratives while equipping families and educators with practical tools to raise young people of strong character in an increasingly complex world.
Resources
Daniel Principe — https://www.danielprincipe.com.au
Consent Can’t Wait Campaign — https://consentcantwait.com.au
Daniel's Blog & Articles — https://www.danielprincipe.com.au/blog
Building Better Men Resources — Available through Daniel's website
The Resilience Shield — https://resilienceshield.com
Building Resilient Kids — https://resilienceshield.com/kids
The Anxious Generation – Jonathan Haidt — https://www.anxiousgeneration.com
The Center for Humane Technology — https://www.humanetech.com
Common Sense Media — https://www.commonsensemedia.org (excellent guidance on digital wellbeing and technology for families)
Quote of the Episode
"You can't be judgmental and curious at the same time—pick one."
Another Memorable Quote
"Character matters more than status."
One More Worth Remembering
"Resilience is often caught before it is taught." (resilience is contagious)

"Bullies, Business and Belief: Roy Newey on Finding Strength in Life's Biggest Setbacks"
 
Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis sits down with Roy Newey... entrepreneur, business leader, author, father, and self-described "dyslexic who still can't read or write."
Roy's story begins with spectacular academic failure. Leaving school without passing a single exam, few would have predicted he would one day build and sell multiple businesses, lead the economic regeneration of Liverpool, chair a bunch of companies, and become an author.
Roy reflects on how dyslexia, once viewed as his greatest disadvantage, became his greatest competitive advantage. Unable to rely on written words, he developed extraordinary observational skills, emotional intelligence, memory and an ability to read people—qualities that shaped his success as a leader.
The conversation also explores Roy's deeply personal children's novel, Timothy and the Triplets Three. Inspired by his own son's experiences with bullying, the story helps children realise they are not alone while reminding parents, teachers and carers of the profound influence adults have on a child's resilience.
Throughout the episode, Roy shares heartfelt stories about humour, confidence, parenting, and why allowing children to experience manageable struggle is one of the greatest gifts adults can give.
This episode is a powerful reminder that resilience isn't about avoiding hardship—it's about discovering the strengths that hardship can reveal.
Key Themes and Takeaways
How dyslexia became Roy's greatest professional advantage rather than his biggest limitation
Why emotional intelligence often begins with careful observation rather than talking
The hidden strengths many neurodivergent children develop
The lasting impact bullying has on both victims and those who bully
Why isolation is often the bully's greatest weapon—and connection is the antidote
Using humour to diffuse conflict, build relationships and strengthen resilience
The importance of helping children solve their own problems rather than rescuing them
Why overprotecting children can unintentionally weaken confidence and resilience
Encouraging children to embrace setbacks as opportunities for growth
The value of mentors and timely words of encouragement throughout life
Why resilience is often built one small challenge at a time—not through avoiding difficulty
More About Roy
Roy Newey is an entrepreneur, international business adviser, author and speaker who has spent more than three decades helping organisations and communities grow. Despite leaving school without passing a single exam due to dyslexia, Roy went on to build and sell multiple successful businesses, lead the economic regeneration of Liverpool, and chair more than 150 companies across the UK and internationally.
Roy is also the author of Timothy and the Triplets Three, a children's novel inspired by his son's experience with bullying. Written to help young readers feel less alone, the book explores friendship, belonging, courage and resilience through humour and adventure. Roy's story is a powerful reminder that the labels placed on us as children need never define our future.
Resources
Roy Newey – https://roynewey.com (or Roy's preferred website if different)
Timothy and the Triplets Three – Roy's children's novel exploring bullying, belonging and resilience
The British Dyslexia Association – https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk
Made By Dyslexia – https://www.madebydyslexia.org
The Diana Award Anti-Bullying Programme – https://antibullyingpro.com
The Resilience Shield – https://resilienceshield.com
Building Resilient Kids – https://resilienceshield.com/kids
Quote of the Episode
"Being dyslexic became my superpower."
Another memorable quote
"Sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children is not rescuing them, but standing beside them while they work out the solution themselves."
 

“Space, Trust and the Roundabout: Michelle Mitchell on What Teens Really Need from Us”
In this insightful and deeply practical episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis speaks with Michelle Mitchell—parenting educator, bestselling author, and founder of the Resilient Kids Conference about what it really takes to support teenagers through one of the most complex stages of development.
Drawing on decades of experience working with young people and families, Michelle shares a refreshing perspective on resilience, connection, and the evolving role of parents. From her early days working with at-risk youth to raising her own two sons, Michelle’s message is clear: resilience is not built in isolation—it is built in relationship.
This episode challenges common parenting narratives and offers grounded, actionable insights into how we can stay connected to our kids while giving them the space they need to grow.
Key Themes and Takeaways
Resilience is not a solo effort: Kids don’t need to have all the skills—they need to know where to find them and who to trust
The importance of community and connection as the foundation of resilience
Why letting kids resolve conflict themselves builds stronger social and emotional capability
Rethinking parenting labels like “helicopter” or “bulldozer” and instead focusing on principles over trends
What teens aren’t telling parents: they don’t hate you—they need space to become themselves
The power of trusting your instincts as a parent rather than interrogating for every detail
Understanding the difference between bad behaviour and cognitive overload
Why teenagers live in a near-constant state of dysregulation—and how that shapes their reactions
The importance of staying steady, present, and available rather than forcing conversations
The “roundabout” analogy: teens may appear to move away, but they often come back
Why the car is one of the most powerful environments for connection and regulation
The “Russian doll” concept: building multiple layers of support around a child
Reframing resilience: not bouncing back, but adapting and reshaping through adversity
The importance of helping kids develop their own coping strategies, not just adopting ours
More About Michelle
Michelle Mitchell is a leading Australian parenting educator, author, and speaker with over two decades of experience supporting young people and families. She began her career as a teacher before founding a youth-focused charity, working extensively with vulnerable and at-risk children. Michelle is widely known for her practical, no-nonsense approach to parenting teens and is the host of the Resilient Kids Conference, bringing together leading experts to support families navigating modern challenges.
Resources
Michelle Mitchell – Official Website
Resilient Kids Conference
Teens: What They Don’t Tell Their Parents
Youth Excel (Michelle’s original charity work)
Book: What Teenage Girls Don’t Tell Their Parents – Michelle Mitchell
********
Get in touch with Tim Curtis at kids@resilienceshield.com
https://resilienceshield.com/kids/
 

From piggy banks to pay gaps, Molly Benjamin shares practical ways to raise financially confident kids in a cashless, complex world.
 
Molly Benjamin is on a mission to make financial literacy accessible, practical, and empowering—especially for women and now, kids. After transforming her own “hot financial mess” into a thriving movement that’s educated 70,000+ Australian women, Molly is bringing the conversation to the next generation. As a spokesperson for Spriggy, she has deep insights into how kids earn, save, spend, and give—and how parents can raise resilient, financially confident children who are ready to thrive.
 
In This Episode
Money Mindset Starts Young
Molly explains how kids form their attitudes toward money by age seven—and how adult behaviours code that mindset. She shares why normalising conversations around spending, saving, and giving early matters, especially in a cashless society.
“It’s not just what we say, it’s what we do around money. Kids are watching.”
The Three Piggy Bank Rule
Molly outlines her favourite financial framework for children—Spend, Save, Share—and explains how to use tools like Spriggy or Monopoly money to reinforce tangible learning about financial priorities and delayed gratification.
Girls Out-Earning Boys?
The FY25 Spriggy Kids Economy Report reveals that girls are earning $1.03 for every $1.00 boys earn—flipping the adult gender pay gap. What can this tell us about confidence, motivation, and resilience in young people?
Money Mistakes Parents Make
From over-rewarding chores to avoiding money conversations, Molly highlights the unconscious habits that may undermine a child’s financial resilience.
“Money shouldn't be a taboo or secret. If they don’t learn it from us, they’re learning it somewhere else.”
Financial Stress & The Future
With house prices now 8–14 times the average wage, Molly discusses how we can prepare our kids for lifelong affordability pressures—through saving, investing, and open dialogue.
“Even if you’ve never invested before, go on the journey with your child. Learn together.”
Practical Tools to Build Confidence
From setting savings goals to explaining superannuation and tax to teens, Molly shares strategies to raise informed, confident kids who won’t panic the first time they fail—or the first time they look at a budget.
 
Takeaways
Financial resilience isn’t just about money—it’s about mindset.
Teach saving before spending. Help kids delay gratification.
Make chores part of life, not always tied to payment.
Involve kids in financial conversations early and often.
Model what you want to teach—especially around budgeting, insurance, super, and investing.
Support teens to understand taxes, super, and compound interest when they get their first job.
 
Resources Mentioned
Ladies Finance Club
Spriggy Kids Economy Report
Spriggy App
Money Smart Tools (ASIC)
Book:Raising Money Confident Kids (Molly Benjamin, 2025)
Tool: “Super Detective” retirement checker
See also research: Harvard, La Trobe, Spriggy, Stoicism, and Bobo Doll Experiments

Episode Subtitle: “Emotions, TED Talks & Teddies: Louise Mansell’s Mission to Build Brave Kids”
 
In this episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by Dr Louise Mansell, a clinical psychologist and founder of Tedology. Originally from the UK and now based in Perth, Louise brings a wealth of experience working with vulnerable children in care systems and mainstream settings.
Louise shares insights into her personal upbringing, how her mother’s anxiety shaped her sense of responsibility and empathy, and what inspired her journey into psychology. She discusses the need for a whole-system approach to child development, the importance of working with schools and families, and how trauma-informed, compassionate care can change the course of a young life.
The heart of the episode is Louise’s innovative creation: TED (Teddy for Emotional Development) – a science-based, sensory teddy bear that helps children regulate emotions, build resilience, and develop emotional literacy through play. From weighted limbs and textured paws to guided voice prompts based on proven psychological tools like CBT and DDP, TED is a cuddly co-regulator for kids.
Louise reflects on parenting, teaching, and the daily challenge of applying psychology at home, candidly admitting her own occasional “screen bans” as a mother. Her honesty and evidence-based practice make this a must-listen for educators, parents, and anyone committed to raising emotionally resilient kids.
 
Highlights
Louise’s early family life and how helping her mum manage anxiety set the foundations for her career
Her work in the UK’s social enterprise sector, supporting children in the care system
The biopsychosocial ecological model simplified for everyday parenting and teaching
The development of TED: a sensory, talking teddy designed to build emotional skills and resilience
Why kids need to feel seen, heard, and held in mind—and how a teddy bear can help
Practical strategies for teachers to emotionally coach children without needing all the answers
The power of emotional literacy and expression as central to long-term resilience
The science behind TED’s features (fidget-friendly paws, crinkle ears, soothing voice prompts)
Louise’s commitment to play-based learning and co-design with children
Honest parenting moments: “If I shout about screen bans, it doesn’t count.”
 
Learn More
Dr Louise Mansell's work:https://www.minimindshealth.com.au/louise-mansell
Tedology (TED - Teddy for Emotional Development):https://tedology.com.au
The ACEs Study (Adverse Childhood Experiences) – CDC Resource
Tina Payne Bryson’s "Whole Brain Child" approach (Refer to books by Siegel & Bryson)
Theraplay & DDP (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy) – therapeutic models that Louise references as cornerstones in her clinical approach. https://ddpnetwork.org
Quote of the Episode
“Resilience isn’t about just coping. It’s about being brave enough to express yourself—and knowing someone will listen.” – Dr Louise Mansell
 

Joy, Diagnosis and the Village: Annie Hicks on Building Resilience in Kids with Disabilities
In this deeply personal episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis speaks with his amazing cousin, Annie Hicks—a dedicated mother of three and a fundraising professional in the education sector—about what it means to raise resilient children, including two living with disabilities: Calvin (Sotos Syndrome and ADHD) and Lily (Down Syndrome).
Annie opens up about the surprises and challenges of receiving a diagnosis, the evolving needs of her children, and how she and her husband Michael have navigated parenthood with intentionality, balance, and love. With candour and warmth, Annie discusses the power of community, the importance of self-care, and the need to be selectively selfish to model resilience for her kids.
From managing emotional regulation through sensory tools, companion animals, and trampoline resets, to redesigning family expectations and slowing down to meet her children where they’re at, Annie offers practical wisdom for parents, carers, and educators alike.
Also in this episode:
The concept of wellbeing hubs and navigators in schools
Parenting withopen communication and emotional availability
The transformative role ofcanine and equine therapy
Her superhero alter ego,‘Modulux’, imagined with the help of ChatGPT
Insights from the blended family experience with Layla, her stepdaughter
The critical role ofpositive self-talk and modelling resilience
Annie’s heartfelt stories and honest reflections will resonate with anyone striving to raise strong, self-aware, and joyful kids; regardless of ability.
 
Resources & Further Reading:
Annie Hicks on LinkedIn:com/in/anne-marie-hicks-8b55a284
Sotos Syndrome(Medline Plus): https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/condition/sotos-syndrome/
Down Syndrome Overview(Wikipedia): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome
Carly Findlay – Author and Disability Advocate:https://carlyfindlay.com.au/
The Book:Growing Up Disabled in Australia, edited by Carly Findlay
Hannah Diviney – Writer, Speaker & Advocate:https://hannahdiviney.com/
Guide Dogs WA – Companion Dog Program:https://www.guidedogswa.com.au/
Amaroo Equine Therapy (Belinda Muiser):https://www.amarooequine.com.au